No one in the world makes as big an impression on us like our parents, (unless it’s our siblings!)
For good or ill, our parents’ guidance, praise, and criticism shape the way we view both the world and ourselves. As they grow older and their needs change, we often have to step in to help, either financially or as a caregiver. This can be incredibly stressful, even in the best of circumstances.
But what if you haven’t had a great relationship with your parents throughout your life? What if your parents were neglectful or abusive to you when you were young? Would you still feel the responsibility to take care of them in their old age?
For many, the answer is yes. Despite everything that has happened in the past, we may feel the need to step in and help. This might be the only choice we feel we can make, but we might not be ready for the consequences.
Caregivers who are taking care of an abusive elder can suffer from many health issues, both mental and physical. Our personal life can become non-existent as the demands of elder care take over our time and energy. We might not feel we can even take a day off.
It’s no wonder that occasionally, the thoughts of many caregivers in this kind of situation turn dark, sometimes wishing that their abusive parent would simply die and free us, finally, from this burden.
This kind of a caregiving relationship isn’t sustainable. We all need to learn ways to cope, to reduce anxiety and stress, and set limits with family members.
And that is precisely what you will find in When Elder Care Hurts: The Q.U.I.C.K. Map to Preserve Your Peace, Save Your Sanity, and Find the Right Path for Your Caregiving Journey
What does Q.U.I.C.K. stand for? I’m glad you asked…
Taking care of an older parent or relative can dredge up many feelings that we thought were gone and buried. It’s vital that, rather than push these feelings aside, we reflect on them to gain perspective on your current relationship. If you want to move forward, you need to know where you’ve been.
When we are put in horrible, stressful situations, we often try to keep ourselves occupied so we don’t think about it. Although this might make you feel a bit better in the short-term, it just isn’t sustainable in the long-run. We need to have a complete picture of what your situation currently is before we can make any changes to improve it.
Although we may feel stuck in our current situation, this might not actually be the case. There are many other care options out there, some of which might be better suited for both you and your elderly parent. The problem is that, when we are feeling isolated and stressed as caregivers, we might not have the time to do this research, nor have the tools to communicate options effectively. That’s why these resources are an integral part of the Q.U.I.C.K. Map program.
C: Creating Care Teams
As much as we wish that we were superheroes who never needed a helping hand… we aren’t. Everyone needs help now and then, especially when we are a caregiver to older parents or relatives. You need to explore how you can share “care” with other people, while also learning to take care of yourself.
K: Knowing and Keeping Healthy Boundaries
One of the most difficult things about taking care of an elder who was abusive to you as a child is that you can fall into old patterns. This is especially true if the parent is going through a form of dementia. You couldn’t establish healthy boundaries as a child, but you can now, as an adult. This course will help you learn when and how to say “no,” set
limits, and help find your inner calm in times of need.
And that’s the Q.U.I.C.K. of the Q.U.I.C.K. Map, but that isn’t the end of the program.
I’m going to throw in an extra module. If you have siblings, you may differ with them about the level of care they believe your elder needs. Some siblings might be super helpful, while others might push you and their parent aside. In the Caregiving with Siblings module, we will learn how to manage your other family members, perhaps even incorporating them into your care team.
This entire program is the culmination of decades of working with caregivers and elders. In my career, I’ve seen heartbreaking situations turn completely around into positive outcomes for both the elder and the adult child. But that can’t happen if you are stuck in an unhealthy caregiving situation.
If you’re worried that you might not have time for this course, I’ve specifically designed it so each module will be released to you on a regular weekly schedule and you can work on everything at your own pace. And at the end of the program, you can download all of your course materials to have permanently. If you decide that the course isn’t for you after fully participating for two weeks, you’ll get your money back.
We have a number of different tuition options, including an Early-Bird special where you can save almost a third on your tuition! I invite you to visit our Q.U.I.C.K. Map website to learn more details about the program and register for your spot today!
If your caregiving situation is rapidly becoming untenable, then this course has arrived at the perfect time. If you fear that things with your older parent might get worse in the future, the Q.U.I.C.K. Map course might be able to correct your course towards a better outcome.
All my best,