Posts Tagged ‘eldercare’
Thanksgiving is a very special American holiday that carries many memories and not a little nostalgia for the past.
I remember riding in our family car with my sisters to visit Grandparents for Thanksgiving, and singing “Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go!” It’s a warm memory, infused with laughter and excitement.
Memories are at the heart of this holiday, which is focused on gratitude.
This year for Thanksgiving, you may want to consider a shift in your traditional way of looking at your Loved One who is living with dementia, and the ways they contribute to your family.
Consider your Elder’s strengths, and the gifts they offer, and actively express your Gratitude for them.
Instead of just remembering with sadness the grand meals your Elder used to make, be sure to experience gratitude for the memories, the recipes, and the ways your Loved One contributes to this years’ experience. It will give her great pleasure to “teach” her favorite dishes to the younger set, and to help at whatever level she can and in a way that ensures success.
Instead of focusing on illness, have the family create a list of gifts your Elder has given over the years and continues to give. For example, a grandchild might write “I am grateful for the way Grandma has helped me with college, and for her encouragement in my studies.”
Share this list with the Elder in a packet of notes, so she can refer back to them. This will make the moment last!
Focus on Laughter; it’s the greatest gift we can share among family and friends.
Consider a smaller group to cut down on noise and confusion for your Loved One. Your Elder’s strength might now be to enjoy more intimate gatherings.
Provide a place for the Elder to step back and rest whenever she feels the need. This might be a comfortable room where she can nap, or a second living space, such as a family room or den, located away from the bustle of dinner preparations or rowdy football games.
Remember the other care partners in your Elder’s life, and show your gratitude for them. A card of thanks is a valuable gift to home health aides or the neighbor who keeps the walks cleared in the winter.
Stimulate memories and conversations by starting a story with, “I remember when we (did such and such…) It was always fun to be with the cousins,” instead of asking the Elder “do you remember…?” The former is more likely to generate shared stories, while the latter can lead to frustration and increased confusion.
Seat your Elder next to someone who knows them well and is patient and kind. They can watch for needs the Elder may have difficulty expressing, such as “pass the rolls, please!” or “may I be excused from the table.” They can slow the conversation down so the Elder can participate. Sometimes a little more time is all that’s needed.
Perhaps different family members can take turns attending closely to Grandmother or Grandfather, 30 minutes or an hour at a time. This ensures that no one feels left out of that rowdy football game!
Some family holidays are day-long affairs. Is this what works best for your older Loved One now, or should she come for the part of the day that is most meaningful and manageable for her?
Speaking of “meaning,” a guideline to help you decide what and how much to do for the holiday should be to ask what is meaningful for you, your Elder, and your family. Stretching yourself to do extra cleaning or make everything from scratch might leave you feeling too tired to enjoy the gathering.
Where can you cut back on work, or delegate tasks, while keeping the most meaningful parts of your time together intact? Is there a ritual your family does for Thanksgiving that you want to honor? Figure out how your Elder can participate easily.
For example, a family who has always had each member read a verse or passage at the table might shift the custom to showcase the teens or the younger kids. If your Elder’s reading is good, but recall is poor, she may be OK with reading something rather than reciting from memory.
What ideas do YOU have for enjoying Thanksgiving with your family, and for adapting to the needs of a Loved One who is living with dementia?
Please share your comments below, and have a Blessed Holiday.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Hosted by Lifelong, Ithaca, NY
Facilitated by Lisa Kendall
When we or our loved ones need some assistance due to illness or injury, we find that traditional models of care can create as much distress as the illness itself, leaving us feeling powerless and frustrated.
“Caregivers” report acute stress and exhaustion, and “care receivers” feel they have little to offer because of their physical or cognitive challenges.
When we advocate for the well-being of the whole care partnership rather than seeing the needs of caregivers and care receivers as separate, we create empowered care partner teams that ensure the independence, dignity, and continued growth and development of everyone involved.
Learn about person-directed care and how to make care partnerships work for you, and tap into an international movement to change the culture of care for Elders and their care partners in this two-hour session.
Call Lifelong at 273-1511 to register for this informative presentation.
Receive your complimentary report on How to Assemble Your Care Partner Team at www.carepartnerconnection.com
Lisa Kendall is a clinical social work psychotherapist and clinical gerontologist who has worked with Elders and their care partners for over 30 years. In addition to her private practice and public speaking, Lisa is an Educator for The Eden Alternative and teaches for the Ithaca College Gerontology Institute. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information or to schedule a training.
It’s been a while since I last wrote, but a lot has been going on with me and Crossroads Counseling and Consulting.
I’ve added a new service you will want to know about; Care Partner Coaching is now available worldwide for a limited number of professional or family caregivers.
I have been busy with trainings for The Eden Alternative in upstate New York and Wisconsin, facilitating a “Certified Eden at Home Associate” training and “Dementia Beyond Drugs.” I also appeared as a panelist on a webinar for The Eden Alternative on “Facilitating Empowerment,”
I will be appearing on Chris MacLellan’s “Be a Healthy Caregiver” Blog Radio program on Tuesday, July 9th at 1 p.m. Eastern time. Don’t worry if you miss it, this generous and committed care partner archives all of his programs! Chris has also written a blog about the show, which you can read HERE.
Private counseling services are still available at my Ithaca, NY, ADA-compliant office. Availability is tight, so contact me soon if you are interested. You can feel better!!
I trust things are going well with you, and hope to hear from you about how you’re doing on your care partner journey!
As always, you can reach me at email@example.com or (607) 351-1313.
I stumbled onto a music video this morning that really spoke to everything I’ve loved about working with Elders and their care partners for the last 28 years. It was so sweet and so beautifully done, I had to sit down and find a way to share it with you.
This story shows with great poignancy the deep connections that often form between Elders and those who care for them, and how both benefit from the relationship.
Genuine, loving care is both given and received in this tender relationship!
Loneliness, helplessness, and boredom, the three plagues of Elderhood described by Dr. Bill Thomas, co-founder of the Eden Alternative, are vanquished for both the Elder and the young man in this lovely story.
I wasn’t able to embed the video here, but I believe it is worth your visit away from my site to see Brett Eldredge’s music video, “Raymond” at youtube.
Just grab a few tissues, click HERE, and come back to comment on your reactions to the video. You can also visit Brett Eldredge’s website - this talented young man is raising awareness about Alzheimer’s disease.
Thanks for spending some time with me today; please visit again!
Lisa Kendall is a clinical social worker and clinical social work gerontologist in private practice in Ithaca, NY. She is an Eden at Home Educator committed to changing the culture of care for Elders and their care partners. Learn more about Eden at Home and the Eden Alternative at www.edenalt.org
Coming to Pennsylvania!
EDEN at HOME
Creating Quality of Life for Care Partner Teams
Training Certification Workshop
Host: Community LIFE
702 Second Avenue, Tarentum, PA
September 25-27, 2010
Eden at Home Educator: Lisa A. Kendall, LCSW-R, CSW-G
Register NOW! Space is Limited
Working together, empowered care partner teams help to ensure the independence, dignity, and continued growth and development of our Elder care partners and each other.
What does EAH Trainer Certification offer?
After training, Certified Trainers inspire care partners, both within their organization and out in the community, to:
- Reframe perceptions of aging and disability
- Work together to reduce stress & burnout
- Build strategies on strengths, rather than limitations
- Develop meaningful connections with each other
- Create opportunities for all to give as well as receive
- Communicate effectively & thoughtfully
- Share joy, hope, wisdom, spontaneity, & respect
- Prevent loneliness, helplessness, & boredom for all on the care partner team
To learn more about Eden at Home, join us for a free informational webinar:
Click HERE to register
Who may want an EAH Certified Trainer on staff?
Non-profit organizations, state agencies, home health organizations, faith-based organizations, Area Agencies on Aging, hospitals, hospices, senior centers, care management, adult day services, independent living communities, and long-term care organizations with home health outreach or an interest in supporting ongoing needs after rehabilitation.
What is the workshop cost?
Early Bird: $385 per person until Sept. 14, 2010
Group: $360 for multiple attendees from same organization
Regular Fee: $435 per person, after Early Bird deadline
Fees cover 3 days of training, our scripted EAH Trainer’s Guide, additional reference materials, and food.
Questions? Contact Meredith Burrus at firstname.lastname@example.org
*** CEUs available with the National Association of Social Workers and National Association of Boards ***
Register HERE or by calling 512-847-6061
Mary (not her real name) had only left the house to make a quick run to the drug store. She didn’t like to leave her bed-bound husband alone, but on this rare occasion felt he would be OK for the ten minutes it would take her to pick up the prescriptions and get back to him.
Then someone rear-ended her car.
Mary didn’t think she was hurt, but she had to be taken to the local hospital to make sure there were no serious injuries to her neck or back. From her stretcher Mary was able to let the Paramedics know about her husband, and a call was made to her neighbor, who quickly went to his side and remained for the five hours Mary waited in the local Emergency Room to be assessed and released.
Mary realized she was lucky this time, and that she needed to make a comprehensive plan for her husband’s care should something happen to her, whether a bout of flu, a fall in the house, a loss of consciousness while away from home, or her unexpected death.
The love, care, and hard work Family Care Partners do is so important it can be hard to think about the possibility of something happening to you and your ability to care for your loved one. It’s because your job is so important that you must plan now to have a back-up plan for your illness, disability, or even unexpected death.
You can get assistance with this kind of planning from a Geriatric Care Manager, someone who is skilled at assessment and who could even step in to support you and your loved one in the event of an emergency.
You can find a Geriatric Care Manager in your area through the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers.
Make your back-up plan today; please Take Care and Take Action!
In our culture, we shrink from signs of weakness or disability, preferring to see ourselves and each other as strong and capable.
Often, the very tools that might keep us independent, such as a cane or walker, are refused because they seem to represent frailty. In reality, these assistive devices can make walking safer and prevent falls, allowing the greatest possible independence!
I was thinking about how hard it is for many Elders to accept the need for a walker or cane, or even the use of a wheelchair for trips out and about, and how troubling it is that our society has such strong prejudices about the use of such devices.
Then I realized that I have held the same deep biases about self-care and doing the things I need to do to stay healthy and strong.
As a health care professional, I’ve learned the hard way that I have to practice what I preach about taking good care of my mind, body and spirit, or I won’t be able to care for my family, clients, and friends.
- Have you ever felt guilty about getting a massage, considering it a luxury rather than part of your stress management strategy?
- Do you take time to plan and enjoy healthy, nutritious meals?
- Are you getting regular, enjoyable exercise?
- Do you have hobbies outside of work or caregiving that delight and inspire you?
These things are not “crutches,” they are important tools to keep you healthy and strong and able to stay in service. Give them the priority they (and you!) deserve, and schedule time for them in ink on your calendar.
We’ll continue to talk about this, because too many professional care partners and family caregivers are suffering from over-load and are vulnerable to stress-related illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, and depression.
Please write me a comment (below) to let me know what you will do to take care of your SELF this week!
A few years ago I was preparing for surgery, and a therapist colleague suggested I get some Mandala coloring books to color during my recovery.
Mandalas are circular designs, often associated with Hindu or Buddhist meditation, and the designs can be quite intricate. Once I started looking, I realized that many cultures from around the world have beautiful circular designs connected with their spiritual practices.
I was especially drawn to the more complex designs, and found that I felt serene and my mind seemed to calm while I filled in the tiny spaces with colored pencils, and it was also an easy, no-mess project to set aside if I got tired.
Once back at my caregiver counseling job, I started suggesting the idea to family members who often struggled to find ways to relax during their stressful days. Several were very intrigued with the idea and immediately recalled long-unused art supplies or neglected coloring books already on-hand.
If you are taking care of an older or ill loved one, or are just looking for a way to calm your mind in the midst of a hectic day, try coloring Mandalas. You can find the books through your local bookseller, local arts & crafts store, or print some pages online for free at http://www.coloringcastle.com/mandala_coloring_pages.html
Let me know if this works for you, too!
A lady at the garage told me there was a tornado warning in our area this morning, a rare thing in Ithaca. I couldn’t confirm it, although we are expecting thunderstorms this afternoon. It reminded me of another July day several years ago when a summer storm took down about a third of the huge, beautiful maple tree that graces our side yard, breaking our hearts, but thankfully, not our cars or our necks.
The same storm had blown over a favorite flowering tree in a neighbor’s farmyard. She and her husband had lived on their property their entire married life, raising cows, pigs, children, and grandchildren. Now Jean* was the full-time caregiver for Bob,* whose stroke left him in bed and unable to care for himself.
Whenever I visited, Jean lamented the loss of her tree, talking about how strong it had been, how tall, how sturdy. She just couldn’t believe it was gone, uprooted by the summer wind. Her grief for the tree continued; she mentioned it every time I called, and seemed unable to get over it.
Jean was a doting wife and meticulous care partner for Bob, and it was clear she was as madly in love with him as the day she met and married him. Bob was often confused, but always liked to flirt with female visitors, and in his occasional confusion would tell me that he’d been out cutting wood that day, or tending to the pigs. In his mind he was as strong and as busy as ever.
One day I watched Bob lying in his bed and Jean hovering over him, adjusting his blankets and teasing him.
It was in that moment that I realized I was looking at the Great Tree on the farm, the one that had been felled, and for whom Jean was grieving in the deepest, most hidden part of her heart.
*All names and identifying details in this story have been changed to protect privacy. Lisa Kendall is a clinical social worker who works with Elders and their Care Partners, and is an Eden at Home Educator.