Posts Tagged ‘elder care’
A lovely Elder I knew, (I’ll call her Mary), was really struggling with the care needs of her husband, who was living with a number of debilitating illnesses. As the holidays approached, she became more and more anxious about how to manage the many tasks and roles she had already taken on, and wondered how to work Christmas into her “to do” list.
One of Mary’s traditions was to bake a special kind of cookie, one that took several hours and many steps. That year, she just couldn’t face the chore.
When I asked her what the most meaningful part of this holiday tradition was for her, she didn’t hesitate to answer that it was spending time with her college-age grandsons.
Looking at this activity from the perspective of what was most meaningful, Mary quickly realized that the heart of the event was spending time with those growing young men.
She knew that they enjoyed being with her, too, and confided that her hungry family wolfed down the treats and probably never gave a second thought to the amount of time and preparation she’d invested in baking.
It was easier for this Wise Elder to change how she managed the task once she’d identified what was most important and meaningful. That year, she chose a much simpler recipe, and enjoyed her special time with the grandsons. Mary had freed up precious time and energy for the other things she really wanted or needed to do.
What is the heart of this holiday season for you? If you are feeling overwhelmed, prune away the things that don’t bring you joy. Consider changing the way you do things so you can enjoy the holidays feeling more at peace and well-rested.
The SIDS Foundation has created a nifty chart that an help you identify what and how to include in your Holiday celebrations, what things you can change, and what things you might choose to let go this year. Try it out below.
As you work with this information, consider that important question: what is meaningful?
And let me know if you made any changes, and how it’s going for you!
Holiday Stress Assessment for CaregiversHOLIDAY JOB LIST Would the holidays be the same without it? Is this something you want to do differently? Do you do it out of habit, tradition,free choice, or obligation? Is it a one person job, or can it be shared? Who is responsible for seeing that it gets done? Do you like doing it? Decorating the tree. Contributing to special funds. Baking holiday cookies. Exchanging holiday cookies. Making long lists of what needs to be done. Going to office or school parties. Making homemade holiday gifts. Sending holiday cards. Buying something special to wear for the holidays. Going to cocktail parties. Doing your holiday shopping. Seeing people you never see any other time of the year. Helping or encouraging your children to make some of their gifts. Having the house clean … clean! Decorating different rooms of your home. Providing “quiet-together” time for immediate family. Buying gifts for co-workers and teachers. Attending special or traditional church services. Attending special activities for children. Preparing special traditional foods.
©1995-1996-1997-1998-1999, SIDS Network, Inc. < http://sids-network.org >All rights reserved. Permission to use, copy, and distribute this document, in whole or in part, for non-commercial use and without fee, is hereby granted, provided that this copyright, permission notice, and appropriate credit to the SIDS Network, Inc. be included in all copies.
One of the things that keeps me working in the aging services field is the camaraderie of my colleagues. They demonstrate a tremendous commitment to and appreciation for Elders and their care partners, an awareness of the Elders’ stories as sacred treasures to be held by us with care, and an intuition that the health care system in which we all work is terribly broken.
It was my honor to meet with such a group of dedicated peers recently, at the “Best Practices in Home Care Showcase.” The event was hosted by the Steuben County Office for Aging in the Southern Tier of New York, the Steuben Senior Services Fund, and NYCONNECTS. Attendees included representatives of home health organizations, case managers for senior apartments, advocates for people living with developmental disabilities, the faith community, and wise Elders.
They are all seeking better ways to serve Elders and their families, and thirsty to work together in a way that honors the need of everyone involved to grow.
It can be a big challenge to introduce the philosophy of The Eden Alternative to a group, when time is limited and the important work of culture change is the goal. With the “Eden at Home” initiative, we are helping people recognize how culturally pervasive ageism contributes to the three plagues of loneliness, helplessness, and boredom; introducing a new definition of care as well as the concept of empowered care partner teams (with the Elder at the center of decision-making); and showing how the antidotes to the plagues can be applied in home and community-based settings.
The talk culminated with a showing of a powerful, person-directed “video care plan,” with thanks to Haleigh Jane Thomas and her parents, Dr. Bill and Jude Thomas.
Even with limited time, these concepts speak for themselves. Knowing there is a philosophy that provides a framework for every member of the team, (Elder, family, and professional alike), to speak a common language and truly make the shift to person-directed care can invigorate a community.
There is a lot of buzz in Steuben County about the possibility of hosting a Certified Eden at Home Trainer workshop in 2013, and many at the “Best Practices in Home Care Showcase” indicated they would attend.
This three day workshop cultivates culture change agents for participating organizations, while providing the tools needed to offer Care Partner Workshops in our agencies and for the wider community.
Have you participated in an Eden at Home training yet? With the vast majority of Elders living in their own homes, in retirement communities, or with family members, the implementation of The Eden Alternative principles can accelerate the pace of culture change and transform care for all of us.
There are currently Certified Eden at Home Trainer workshops planned in Las Vegas, NV, and Toledo, OH. Find out more HERE
Lisa Kendall is an Educator for The Eden Alternative, teaches for the Ithaca College Gerontology Institute, and manages her own counseling and consulting practice in Ithaca, NY.
Like many people at year’s end, I am both looking backward to reflect on all that has happened, and forward to the opportunities and blessings of a new year.
We often generate a list of resolutions for the fresh start we feel with the coming of a new year, but just as often leave our good intentions behind after a short burst of “self-improvement.”
This year, I’m trying a completely different strategy.
This year, I will strive every day to do two simple things to bring my past and future together into a single moment of BE-ing.
First, I will cultivate a practice of gratitude. I will start and end my day by meditating on the many blessings I have in my life. This will focus me on abundance rather than scarcity, and helps keep me humble.
Second, instead of a daily “to do” list, (I am a great list-maker!), I will take a moment each morning to jot down what and how I want “to BE.” This idea comes from Elyse Hope Killoran, whom I heard speak at a recent conference presented by Casey Truffo.
When Elyse suggested that I think about what good service to others feels like, the following words came to mind: grateful, joyful, abundant, light, happy, accomplished, and balanced.
By consciously choosing to BE these things, I make decisions and act from that place, and my vision for my professional practice and for my private life becomes a reality.
Elyse recommends that we change the traditional idea that if we DO certain things, or HAVE what we want, we will then BE the person we’ve always wanted to be.
She teaches that we BE first, then DO. Only then will you HAVE what you want and need.
Elyse says, “If we have a big enough why, the hows and wheres will take care of themselves.” I am reminded of Stephen Covey’s encouragement to work on BE-ing, to cultivate gratitude, to see the world as abundant, and to live a life according to personal principles. He develops all of these ideas in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.
Creating a “to BE” list might be one of the most powerful ways to start the New Year!
Will you try this practice and let me know how it works for you?
Mrs. Jenson is a full-time care partner for her husband, who has had a severe stroke.
It’s very hard work, but she has some help in the home, as well as wonderfully supportive family, and she is able to get out for church and social activities. Every so often, she takes trips with her community group, and there is an annual family vacation, too.
Because she has health problems of her own and sleeps poorly, her children and grand-children encourage Mrs. J. to take even more time for herself, to take off for a weekend or more to really recharge, but Mrs. J. feels she just doesn’t want to do that and is uncomfortable with the pressure from her well-intended loved ones.
Part of my job is to encourage family care partners to get enough rest, so I want to hear more.
Mrs. Jenson teaches me something important when, together, we think through how she sees balancing her own need for rest and respite with her engagement as a care partner for her husband.
What we come up with is a kind of formula that is already mostly in place in the Jenson household. It looks like this:
- Every day, take a brief, but pleasurable, respite (10 minutes)
- In every week, schedule an hour or two away (special lunch with a friend, quiet time at a museum, a walk, etc.)
- Every month, take a full day for yourself
- In every quarter (every three months), set aside a truly special weekend for rest and renewal
- Annually, be sure to schedule a week for vacation!
These guidelines will look different for everyone, but could work in some way or other for all of us, whether we are caring for an ill loved one, trying to manage work/life balance, or manage our own stress and wellness.
The main point Mrs. Jenson wanted to get across to her children was that she didn’t need to leave her home or take a long stretch of time to feel refreshed.
I think this is a common myth, and one that keeps us from taking advantage of everyday opportunities to find a “little calm center” in our otherwise too-busy world.
I will be facilitating a workshop on how to create a mini-retreat on Monday, July 18th at Lifelong in Ithaca; I hope you’ll join us to learn more and to share your own wisdom about this!
Finding Rest and Renewal:
How to Create a Mini-Retreat to Soothe Your Spirit, Ease Your Body, and Calm Your Mind
A Retreat has been defined as “an act or process of withdrawing, especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable;” or “a place of privacy or safety or refuge.”
Many of us know we need time away, but are unsure of where, how, or when to create effective Retreats. In this hands-on workshop, participants will learn how to structure personal mini-Retreats that last from ten minutes to a full day, select meaningful activities, and comfortably transition out of the Retreat, taking powerful and lasting lessons into daily life. Further resources for planning your Retreat are included.
This workshop is intended for both experienced and new retreatants, and is especially designed for those who are seeking better balance and well-being in their lives.
Register for (1823) Finding Rest and Renewal: How to Create a Mini-Retreat to Soothe… ($10 fee) at Lifelong
by clicking HERE or call Jillian Pendleton for more information at (607) 273-1511
Are you a member of Lifelong?? Join today!!
Lisa Kendall has worked for over thirty years as a health and wellness educator and mental health counselor, and has led retreats for a variety of groups. Lisa maintains a private therapy practice specializing in women’s health, aging & caregiving, chronic illness, stress, depression, work/life balance, and grief.
This is one New Year’s resolution you must make and keep, without delay!
Everyone over the age of 18 should plan ahead for their medical care, and consider who will speak for them if they can not speak for themselves.
It’s not enough to have a signed Health Care Proxy form (in some states, this may be called a Power of Attorney for Health Care); many people sign the forms then misplace them, or never have the important conversations with loved ones that give guidance about values and preferences.
“Sharing Your Wishes” is a comprehensive approach that can walk you through four steps that will ensure that your loved ones understand your health care choices.
The steps in this approach include:
1. Think about what is important to you and how you want to receive care
2. Select a person to speak for you if you are unable to speak for yourself
3. Talk about your health care wishes
4. Put your choices in writing
The form itself is easy to complete and doesn’t require a notary or lawyer. It can be difficult to talk about these issues, though, especially if you or a loved one is dealing with a chronic or serious illness.
The Sharing Your Wishes website has easy-to-use materials and videos that fully explain each step and support you and your loved ones in having these important conversations.
Many counties in Central and Western New York have local Sharing Your Wishes Coalitions where more materials and support can be found; their names and phone numbers are listed on the website.
If you are outside the area, contact your local Bar Association or Area Agency on Aging for more information.
Please visit the Sharing Your Wishes website at www.sharingyourwishes.org for more information about this important topic today. Make sure you and all the adults in your life have appointed a Health Care Agent, and have started to have these important conversations with your loved ones and with your health care providers.
P.S. Don’t hesitate to consult with a counselor if you need more support; dealing with chronic or terminal illness is very stressful and you don’t have to deal with it alone.
Peace and Wellness to you and yours in the New Year!
Lisa Kendall is a licensed clinical social worker with a private practice in Ithaca, New York. She is a trainer for the Tompkins County Sharing Your Wishes Coalition.
Sharing Your Wishes is sponsored by the Community Health Foundation of Western & Central New York.
I stumbled onto a music video this morning that really spoke to everything I’ve loved about working with Elders and their care partners for the last 28 years. It was so sweet and so beautifully done, I had to sit down and find a way to share it with you.
This story shows with great poignancy the deep connections that often form between Elders and those who care for them, and how both benefit from the relationship.
Genuine, loving care is both given and received in this tender relationship!
Loneliness, helplessness, and boredom, the three plagues of Elderhood described by Dr. Bill Thomas, co-founder of the Eden Alternative, are vanquished for both the Elder and the young man in this lovely story.
I wasn’t able to embed the video here, but I believe it is worth your visit away from my site to see Brett Eldredge’s music video, “Raymond” at youtube.
Just grab a few tissues, click HERE, and come back to comment on your reactions to the video. You can also visit Brett Eldredge’s website - this talented young man is raising awareness about Alzheimer’s disease.
Thanks for spending some time with me today; please visit again!
Lisa Kendall is a clinical social worker and clinical social work gerontologist in private practice in Ithaca, NY. She is an Eden at Home Educator committed to changing the culture of care for Elders and their care partners. Learn more about Eden at Home and the Eden Alternative at www.edenalt.org
Three months of careful planning by many faithful gardeners has yielded a new harvest: twenty-four new Eden at Home Certified Trainers!
Congratulations to the remarkable group that attended the three-day workshop hosted by Community LIFE in Tarentum, PA, this past weekend; it was an amazing time of shared discovery and intense community-building.
This passionate group of committed people came together to learn about the Eden philosophy and how it can be used in overcoming the three plagues of loneliness, helplessness, and boredom that cause so much suffering for Elders and their care partners. We shared stories, challenged perceptions of aging, and explored the ten-principles of the Eden philosophy.
We learned how to conduct Eden at Home care partner workshops and initiate real culture change.
Every participant arrived with an open heart and mind, ready to share from their wisdom and to learn from others.
As this workshop’s Eden Educator, I am humbled by and grateful for the opportunity to serve these fine people.
I wish each new Certified Trainer every blessing as they move forward with implementation of the Eden philosophy in their families, organizations, and communities.
Together, I know we will improve the quality of life for our Elder care partners and every member of the care partner team!
Congratulations, best wishes, and thank you!
It CAN be different!
Lisa Kendall is an Eden at Home Educator and geriatric social worker in private practice in Ithaca, New York. Subscribe to Lisa’s blog about self-care for every member of the care partner team by clicking the link at the top left of this page. Learn more about Eden at Home at www.edenalt.org
Coming to Pennsylvania!
EDEN at HOME
Creating Quality of Life for Care Partner Teams
Training Certification Workshop
Host: Community LIFE
702 Second Avenue, Tarentum, PA
September 25-27, 2010
Eden at Home Educator: Lisa A. Kendall, LCSW-R, CSW-G
Register NOW! Space is Limited
Working together, empowered care partner teams help to ensure the independence, dignity, and continued growth and development of our Elder care partners and each other.
What does EAH Trainer Certification offer?
After training, Certified Trainers inspire care partners, both within their organization and out in the community, to:
- Reframe perceptions of aging and disability
- Work together to reduce stress & burnout
- Build strategies on strengths, rather than limitations
- Develop meaningful connections with each other
- Create opportunities for all to give as well as receive
- Communicate effectively & thoughtfully
- Share joy, hope, wisdom, spontaneity, & respect
- Prevent loneliness, helplessness, & boredom for all on the care partner team
To learn more about Eden at Home, join us for a free informational webinar:
Click HERE to register
Who may want an EAH Certified Trainer on staff?
Non-profit organizations, state agencies, home health organizations, faith-based organizations, Area Agencies on Aging, hospitals, hospices, senior centers, care management, adult day services, independent living communities, and long-term care organizations with home health outreach or an interest in supporting ongoing needs after rehabilitation.
What is the workshop cost?
Early Bird: $385 per person until Sept. 14, 2010
Group: $360 for multiple attendees from same organization
Regular Fee: $435 per person, after Early Bird deadline
Fees cover 3 days of training, our scripted EAH Trainer’s Guide, additional reference materials, and food.
Questions? Contact Meredith Burrus at email@example.com
*** CEUs available with the National Association of Social Workers and National Association of Boards ***
Register HERE or by calling 512-847-6061
Is it OK to love your clients?
I say yes.
Before you report me to the State Ethics committee, I’m not talking about romantic entanglements or inappropriate sexual contact or even the violation of healthy boundaries.
But in the health care field we’ve always been told “don’t get too attached” to the clients that we care for. But doesn’t this go against human nature?
Most of the nurses, social workers, home health aides, and other allied health professionals I know have gone into this work because they care about people and want to help them. When you provide intimate, day to day care for human beings, the kind that eases suffering and reduces loneliness, and you hear someone’s personal stories, share lots of laughter and a few tears, you naturally come to love them.
And they love you, too.
Dr. Bill Thomas, founder of The Eden Alternative, has written about this in his book, “What Are Old People For: How Elders Will Save the World.”
He proposes that instead of denying the love that health care workers have for their clients, organizations acknowledge and support it.
To do so would ensure that such attachments are healthy and appropriate, and provide support for a worker’s grief when a beloved client dies.
Today, the love and affection workers feel is often forced underground, leading to stress and isolation for the worker, and could ultimately contribute to burn-out and turn-over.
Can you imagine how relieved our health care workforce might be to have permission to love, and have support and supervision to do so every day, on the job, in the open?
How much might this improve care for the ill and our Elders?
Lisa Kendall is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with advanced certification in clinical gerontology who works in home care, has a private practice in Ithaca, NY, and is an “Eden at Home” Educator. You can get more information on The Eden Alternative and Eden at Home at www.edenalt.org
Contact me if your organization would like to host an “Eden at Home” Certified Trainer Workshop!